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Shadow the Hedgehog the Video Game
Shadow the Hedgehog’s Video Game was a lousy multi-platform game released by Sega in 2005. It pissed a lot of people off in so many ways, but it still has its fans (for some reason). Overview In 2004, Sega made the decision to bring Shadow the Hedgehog back to the Sonic series and give him his own game. At the time, the company was struggling financially. Sonic Heroes received lots of criticism from long-time fans of the series. Since SA1 and SA2 had fairly complicated storylines, it became apparent to Sega that they needed a way to make the next game’s plot much, much more complicated than SA2’s story. It was determined by their head sceintists that the only way to make it complicated enough to please their mad-balls-fucked-insane President was to make a game with multiple story paths. It was decided that only a portion of the levels could be seen in each pathway, thus making plot summaries of the game nearly freaking incomprehensible. As a result, many plot points are left unresolved depending on the ending. Thankfully, in 2012, a Sega employee leaked documents that revealed some of the story pathways that the developers’ had in mind. The link has since been taken down by Sega for copyright bullshit, but thankfully, a user at the YouTube Poop wiki made a copy of the information. Storyline Although “A Vow for the Victims” is the closest to the canonical ending, there are 326 endings, and getting each one requires playing the game that specific way. Apparently, someone on Reddit actually felt it necessary to get all of them legitimately … for science, or maybe an obsession. Who’s to say really? Notable other examples include the more conclusive storyline with Black Doom’s defeat before the “Last Story” mode aptly named “The Black Hero’s Rebirth” (it’s black fur; calm down!), a storyline in which Shadow thinks he’s one of Eggman’s Shadow Androids called “Shadow Goes Crazy and Stuff” (though someone mistranslated it as “The New Cold-Hearted Empire”), a storyline in which Shadow actually does find the computer room called “Distorted Truth” (not in any way related to the information on this page), and one in which Shadow does every evil deed possible (without winding up in Central City because that’s the one level even the defenders don’t particularly like) called “Revenge at Last.” Canonical Storyline The story begins with Shadow reflecting upon his only memory from before his waking up in Dr. Eggman’s secret base in the events of Sonic Heroes. Shadow recalls running away from military soldiers with a teenaged human girl named Maria … on a space station. Suddenly, aliens invade, thus causing anyone expecting a decent story to leave the room in frustration (though admittedly, it makes more sense from a gameplay perspective). These aliens are the Black Arms, but Shadow comments on humanity being pathetic and turns away. Before he can leave, however, a strange alien creature called Black Doom broadcasts his image in front of Shadow, instructing him to bring him the seven chaos emeralds. Shadow begins to ask him why he has any obligation to deliver the chaos emeralds, but the broadcast ends, and Shadow heads to the beginning of every playthrough in Westopolis. Westopolis Shadow quickly runs into Sonic who welcomes Shadow as a long-time friends and utters the obligatory but legendary line “long time, no see…” Sonic wants Shadow to kill all 35 Black Arms soldiers in the level because he likes fucking with Shadow. Shadow does kill the first few enemies he sees and finds the first chaos emerald (actually green this time), and Sonic erroneously says he can unlock unlimited power with just that one chaos emerald. Shadow finds the Black Arms’ local voice projector “Doom’s Eye,” (an extention of Black Doom himself) who is already bitching because apparently Shadow arrived late. As punishment, Doom’s Eye will now follow and observe him everywhere, even in the shower, apparently. Black Doom tells him to kill all 45 G.U.N. soldiers with no explanation about why he’s doing this because he’s a textbook psychopath. At this point, Shadow feels he has a devil and an angel on his shoulders. One voice tells him to do bad things, and the other tells him to do good things. Neither of these paths are beneficial to him. He goes to a damn store to buy those pre-made PB&J sandwiches, and Black Doom says, “Steal the sandwich, Shadow,” and Sonic says, “No, Shadow, you gotta pay for it like a normal victim of capitalism.” Shadow does find one chaos emerald (the blue one--oh, well, green emeralds were fun while they lasted), but this results in Sonic calling him a douchebag for grabbing it instead of killing all the other aliens. Meanwhile, a G.U.N. underling informs his boss Major Fuckwit Dickface that the Black Arms have invaded six major cities in different countries, including New York City, Murica; Toad Harbor, Mushroom Kingdom; Ratatouille, Austripoff; Goldenrod, Johto; The Island of Koridai; and Westopolis, Mobius. Upon hearing that Shadow was sighted near the aliens in Westopolis, Major Dickface orders his troops to attack Shadow. The underling asks for clarification that Shadow is on their side (since he saved the world after dooming it in Sonic Adventure 2) and is immediately sentenced to death for insubordination to which he replies, “that’s the sixth time this week.” Glyphic Canyon A hologram of Black Doom appears in front of Shadow and tells him that Shadow has deliberately disobeyed him to which Shadow replies, “You said to bring you the damn chaos emeralds. Who the Hell are you to give me orders anyway?” Black Doom mentions Professor Gerald Robotnik, but Shadow doesn’t know who this person is. Black Doom remarks that it’s strange he doesn’t remember his creator before teleporting Shadow elsewhere. Shadow wakes up near some ancient ruins, where he has the choice of helping Knuckles kill all the black aliens again (which is strange because there’s more of them despite the mission being slightly less annoying) or helping Black Doom “reawaken” their temple by touching five green glowing orbs. Shadow restores four temples by touching these orbs, but wants to collect the yellow chaos emerald captured by G.U.N. because he’s fed up with Black Doom’s shit (and it’s only the second level). However, that guy from that Ren & Stimpy cartoon shows up and begins narrating about how tempting it is for Shadow to awaken the fifth temple by touching the shiny spheres, and asking the question of whether Shadow will be able to resist or not. Shadow then yells, “No, I can’t!” and awakens the final temple. Black Doom starts to congratulate Shadow but gets cut off by bad programming, so he calls Shadow a dirty traitor. The President of Mobius gets a call from his secretary about the Black Aliens, so he says they will not surrender to these terrorists. He looks at his photo of Sonic and Shadow at the nation’s capital and thinks simpler times when Sonic would save the day instead of being a dillweed. The secretary then reveals they don’t have a working intercom and that she was speaking to him face to face, and she then asks, “How’d you get that picture?” The President jumps out the window in a nervous haste. Cryptic Castle Shadow arrives in Eggman’s castle and hopes to receive answers from Eggman. He runs into Amy who was looking for Cream & Cheese in the castle. Shadow decides to help her out, so he can get laid later (after all, he’s not entirely gay just because he’s bisexual). Shadow finds Cream, but Cheese (her pet chao) is not with her, so Shadow’s search continues. Shadow finds a fuck-ton of chao in Eggman’s castle (which is legit fascinating to him since this is Eggman's castle), but after he goes through about two dozen of them, he eventually manages to find Cheese in a secret passageway. Shadow finds Eggman’s white chaos emerald (which he stole from Prison Island), but Eggman jumps in the way with his giant robot called the “Egg Breaker” (model A2). Shadow then defeats the Egg Breaker in less than a minute with little help from Amy. Shadow collects the emerald, and asks for Amy’s phone number, not that she gave it to him (though she did give it to him willingly a few years later). Sky Troops That same night, Eggman realizes that if the Black Arms destroy everything in their path, he won’t have a planet to build Eggmanland on. He orders his robots to send in the Eggman fleet. Shadow returns to Black Doom aboard his fleet of ancient ruins, which he teleported to Earth over 2,000 years prior. Shadow spots Eggman’s air ships, and he must decide if he wants to keep aiding Black Doom by destroying Eggman’s air ships (killing Eggman in the process) or backstab Black Doom by destroying the green jewels from earlier to take down the stone temples… or to be a selfish dick and leave altogether. Amazingly enough, Shadow does not choose the third option, insisting that he cannot betray the doctor despite the two of them having not gotten along at all since SA2’s ending. Space Gadget Shadow warps aboard Eggman’s air base, but he soon finds Sonic riding Tails’s small space ship. Sonic then says, “We’re going to the ark, so I guess that means we’re going too,” (which is probably the dumbest thing the translators have ever done). Shadow joins them and heads to Space Colony Ark, which Shadow thinks is familiar. Sonic challenges Shadow to a race for the cyan chaos emerald in an attempt to jog his memory without having to explain the convoluted plot of SA2, but Shadow fucks around in the stage too long and loses despite having plenty of time to win. Cosmic Fall Shadow teleports again--this time for absolutely no reason--and begins getting frustrated as fuck about how few answers he’s found on his journey. At this time, Major Dickface finally arrives and explains to Shadow how Maria was like a sister to him, how Professor Gerald sided with the Black Arms to create Shadow, which led to the G.U.N. raid that led to Maria’s death. Major Dickface is clearly delusional as he and Maria were only acquaintances due to them being the only kids on the Ark (plus, he works for G.U.N. who were directly responsible for Maria dying, but details don’t matter in this story). Dickface shoots at Shadow, but realizes Shadow has moved to behind him. Shadow says he’ll take responsibility for his actions if what Dickface says is true (he’s actually not lying as Dickface, once again, is delusional), and Dickface seems shocked to hear Shadow truly doesn’t remember, even though Shadow has done nothing but complain about this the whole time. Shadow finds the Ark falling apart around him. Shadow makes it through the debris to find Black Doom who says Shadow is no hired again if he collects the purple chaos emerald halfway through the stage. Shadow agrees to this for the first time in the entire game. Shadow runs into Vector who says they need to “Find the computer room” before the Ark collapses. They do make it to the chaos emerald, but Vector says to “save the chaos emerald for later…” Shadow decides he’s had enough shit, takes the chaos emerald and tells Doom’s Eye to “‘’’lump off!’’’” Doom’s Eye then runs off crying. Vector does eventually stop the Ark from collapsing off screen, but Shadow finds the red chaos emerald, the last one. Eggman shows up out of nowhere in his Egg Dealer machine, a boss fight that is easily defeated by making Eggman attack himself with the slot machine. Vector even explictly tells Shadow that the person who stops the last wheel determines who the victim is. Eggman had missiles, bombs, and egg pawns on his side, and Shadow was able to redirect the missiles, make Eggman bomb himself in what Shadow called “an act of suicide, which I totally didn’t assist in” as well as the ability to release rings and fill Shadow’s dark gauge completely (though it’s really hard to hit Eggman with chaos blast because the move is so damn delayed due to bad game design). After defeating Eggman, Shadow delivers a speech, saying he was the ultimate lifeform born and raised on the Ark, “This is who I am.” Note: This storyline is concluded in "Last Story" Trivia *The line “We’re going to the ark, so I guess that means we’re going too” has an explanation of some sort. The English language has no distinction between “we” meaning “you and I” and “we” meaning “some people and I but not you.” Of course, no one’s sure if the Japanese language actually has this distinction, so until someone figures that out, this is indeed a moot point. Category:Video Games Category:Sources